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On The Lighter Side of Things: Jokes and Funny Things
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Lai Chin Fook
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Joined: 05 May 2009
Posts: 192
Location: Auckland, New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:19 pm    Post subject: Bartenders Mistake Reply with quote

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks, "What'll it be?" The guy responds, "Double Scotch." The bartender gives him a double scotch and the guy swallows it in one gulp and then proceeds to look into his shirt pocket.

The guy looks back up and says, with a look of pure discussed, "Another double please!" The bartender pours another for the man.

Once again the man swallows it in one gulp and proceeds to look into his shirt pocket. and once again he looks back up and says, with a look of pure discussed, "Another double please!" The bartender pours another for the man.

By the fifth round with the exact same reaction from the man each time the bartender finally asks, "Hey buddy, I will fill you shot glass all night long, but you have to to me, What is in your pocket?"

The guy looks up at the bartender and politely says, "It's a picture of my wife. I am just waiting for her to look pretty so I can go home."
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Luke Tan
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Joined: 14 Jun 2009
Posts: 277

PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 2:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Folks,

It's been a while since I posted something here. Hope you'll keep on checking here for new jokes in the future...

The Horse case

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She replies, "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"

He says, "Oh, honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."

She is appeased and goes off to work around the house.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.

He says, "What's that for this time?"

She answered, "Your horse just called."--

*
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Lai Chin Fook
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Joined: 05 May 2009
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Location: Auckland, New Zealand

PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Luke

It is good to see you in here still when everyone has gone over Facebook.

I am now in Suphan Buri Thailand after wading through the floods in Alor Star and Kangar 2 days ago.. there has been no incidences of flood in Thailand as it has all receded.

We are 9 cars on the way driving to southern China and will be back on 3rd Dec. This is the only time I have been able to get on the internet 'cos it is the only place so far that offers free internet in hotels.... others want to change the earth for this privilege!

Keep going, we will still come in here whenever we can....

Kind regards

Lai
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Luke Tan
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Lai,

Thanks for the encouragement. Like Pheh, I still think there's a place or niche for a CASU website outside of Facebook. So I hope to hold on for as long as there're supporters out there.

We know you're enjoying your overland trips on your 4WD - flood or no - so we wish you all the best... just come back in one piece! As for me, both my natural inclinations and my physical condition will preclude my participation in such assignments as you're engaged in. See you back here December 3rd.

*

Lost Memory

“Doc!” the man yells. I’ve lost my memory!”

“Calm down, sir. When did this happen.”

The man looked at him. “When did what happen?”

*
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Luke Tan
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 12:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No Brainer..

Husband: U know dear, our son got his brain from me.

Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

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Thean Teik
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Joined: 11 May 2009
Posts: 197

PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 10:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good Morning Chegu Luke,
Glad to see you are back to your normal self. Talking about memory lost, this was what happened to me. One day I was looking high and low all over the house for my glasses. After a very long time my son asked what I was looking for. I told him my glasses and he said 'What's on your face?" Another time my wife asked me to go and buy a jug of milk. I hopped onto my bicycle and cycled about a mile to the store. Then I forgot what I was supposed to buy. So I took a little of this and that hoping to cover the bases. I came home without the milk. The one thing I learned from that trip was people are easily connived. I saw a big group of people around a produce island. Standing on my tippy toes to see over peoples' heads to see what was exciting, I saw a big red sign "Today's Special. Kiwi 4 for $1." I did not want to fight my way in to buy any. The next day, I dropped in to buy the milk I forgot. The sign on the kiwi was replace with "Kiwi - 25 cents each." There was not a single person buying except me.
Peace
Thean Teik
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Thean Teik
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 10:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good Morning Chin Fook,
Where about are you now on your journey? Ever consider doing it the way Marco Polo or Ibn Batuta did? Have an enjoyable trip.
The site indeed is very tiam2 but I do check often. Like Chegu Luke, I still believe there is a function for this site. Others have asked me to join FB and others, but I'm resistant to change. As long as this site is alive and I can still email, FB or Twitter or text messaging is out. As long as there is land line, no cell for me. Think I'm bad eh? I was told Chin Kee Fee aka LCB, remember him? is more hulu than I'm. Or is there a word for more hulu than hulu? Ma'af-lah my Bahasa has gone down the drains.
Peace
Thean Teik
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Luke Tan
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 7:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Pheh,

In this physical world it's all about perception -- People are attracted to "Special Offers" and "Sales" and most people are easily conned into buying things without first checking if the "offers" are genuine or fake. I think you could do well to try this gimmick when you sell your produce at the Farmers' Market! (There are sure to be "suckers" out there who will fall for it. lol!)

As for your forgetfulness.... welcome to the club! We're at that age when most of us must say, like this guy in the pic below, : "I've seen it all, Done it all, Heard it all...I just can't remember it all!"

Have a good day!
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Thean Teik
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good Morning Chegu Luke,
Just one question. If I do that won't I be breaking one of the 10 commandments - trying to covert my neighbour's goods?
Peace
Thean Teik.
PS. Sorry to those of you who do not think religious matters should be in this forum. Maybe I should have written to my Chegu personally.
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Thean Teik
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chegu Luke,
I forgot one thing. I am not qualified to wear that T shirt yet - only the last sentence applied to me. I have not seen, done or heard all the rest yet.
Peace
Thean Teik
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Lai Chin Fook
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Luke & Pheh

Today we just arrived in Kaili, a new town in Guizhou, China. Have driven some 4,000+km so far and this week we are facing a national fuel shortage in China. This is due to the petroleum companies trying to force a fuel price increase so they are limiting the supply of fuel to the stations. Trucks and buses lined up at petrol stations everywhere waiting for fuel causing massive traffic jams.

Fortunately, as foreigners driving around in China, the agency we use in China has a fair bit of influence so we have to line up at petrol stations in the middle of the night to get diesel (we need not line up which could take up to a couple of hours!) so that the local population do not get mad with us jumping into the waiting queue.....

Once out side the agency's domain which is Yunnan, their influence is lost .. luckily last night at An Shun, Guizhou, one of our participants is a Director of a construction company joint venture here - he not only bought dinner but also had his partners organized a diesel truck to come to the hotel to fill up our cars! We had to buy extra jerry cans to fill up as we expect the no fuel situation to last until we reach Nanning in Guangxi in about a couple of days' time! So much for the new China!

The next few days, we will visit rural Guizhou and Guangxi into Miao and other minority areas before getting into Nanning. Then we drive to Detian and enter into North Vietnam on the way home via Hanoi, Vinh, Thant Hoa into Laos and Thailand.

Internet in China hotels are now quite good, broadband FOC in most city hotels but the rural ones still to improve... but our time is quite limited in that we lack time to do everything we want to do during the evenings...

This is fun for the group of us - I know, there are people who have told us that they will not want to do this even if they are paid! Hehehe!

My wife is enjoying it and little on David at 4 years' old, does not know where the hell he is but eat, sleep drink and made friends .. he is having a ball as usual..

When I get back, will post pics on the trip....

Meanwhile, kind regards

Lai
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Lai Chin Fook
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh by the way, Face Book is NOT accessible in China. It is totally blocked.... Same as in Vietnam.
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Luke Tan
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Pheh,

There is more than one way to let people know the price/value of your goods. In the experience you encountered, the kiwifruit at 25 cents each was the same as the special offer of 4 for $1. The owner/proprietor was not cheating or dishonest. He was just repackaging his goods to attract customers and try to get more sales from his stock.

So, as I see it, you'll not be wrong if you do not overcharge your customers in a deceitful way.

*
P.S.
Knowing your background and your intentions, your initial mention of the 10 commandments should not be seen as an attempt to actually discuss a religious issue here. However, we need to remember that according to our rules, no provocative and/or negative discussions on race or religion will be tolerated.
I do not see my comments and views above as religious in nature. Deceit is a crime in society at large, and honesty is a valued universal virtue.

Regards.

*


Last edited by Luke Tan on Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Luke Tan
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Pheh,

You say you've not seen, done and heard it all?
Of course you have-lah...
You just can't remember it all... Hee! hee! hee!

Have a good week-end.

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Luke Tan
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Popular Airline

A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips.

Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

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